I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
