20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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