Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
