I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
