I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
