Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You have to summon your inner elephant
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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