I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
