please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
