the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
