after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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