please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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