forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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