I think im going to throw up on grandma
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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