We won't sleep together?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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