cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
