Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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