He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
