I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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