as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found the puke drawer
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
