my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
