billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize