awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
nutella sex= disaster
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
