i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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