i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
