Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have post one night stand depression
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