O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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