I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
