I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
