god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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