I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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