That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
zippers are such a cool invention
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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