dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
