he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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