addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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