I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
