Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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