My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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