I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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