$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize