In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
