I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
