Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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