So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
