Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
