Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
