At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
