sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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