there's paper in my vomit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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