The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
