don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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