fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
