Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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