I accidentally burped into my bong.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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