my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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