: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
