bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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