So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
