After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
