I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
