Just fell off a train. Bad.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
