We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
