well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
