This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
