people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize