Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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