I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize