My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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