He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
