u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
