Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
