and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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