You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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