His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
