I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
