I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
