Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So here I am, sexting at work.
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